I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
