You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
