he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
