Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
