she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
