I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
