just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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