I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
