and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
