Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
