no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
