I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
