P.S. I can't hear my feet
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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