took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Mom said you looked used
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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