Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
