i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
