Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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