Duck Duck Cougar?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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