i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
