I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
