I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
