That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
