We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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