You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
