if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
