Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
