I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
