you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
