i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Barsexuality is the new black.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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