i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
