Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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