I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
