just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
