Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Randomize
