My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
