I seem to have left my pride at pride
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize