Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize