I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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