She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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