She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
