Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
