what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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