you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
