I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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