I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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