Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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