porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
