Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
