Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
