I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
