good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
