just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
