I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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