I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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