I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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