Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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