I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
