we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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