...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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