I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
