Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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