and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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