Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
