I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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