sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
