the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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