4 words: hood of his car
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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