I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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