We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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