You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
