You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Randomize
