i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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